Urgh.....

Why do I feel so bad now????? 

I know I don't really have anything to do with a current dispute between my friends, but I feel like I'm walking on eggshells here! I roleplay with one of them, and it upsets the other so much that she unfollows me so she's not reminded about the betrayal! Like, I completely understand you're upset with this person, and it's ok to feel that way, but if it's so jarring that you keep getting upset just by seeing their characters blog on my page, maybe there's something that needs to be fixed.

I don't want to feel like I have to choose and make the right decision so that everyone will be happy. I just want to rp with people and have fun, not feel like shit for it. 

And my friend says she's not mad at me for talking to the other, but I can't help but freak out! I know it upsets her, and I don't wanna upset anyone because I hate making people uncomfortable and feeling like I'm torn between folks. 

I JUST WANT TO HAVE ONE FUCKING PLACE I CAN GO TO THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A STRESSED OUT, EMOTIONAL, GUILT-RIDDEN WRECK. I GET ENOUGH OF THAT AT HOME. 

I just wish they could make up and everyone could be happy again. That's all I want, really. Is it so much to wish that my friends will make up so I don't feel so divided inside????????? IS IT???!

Am I a bad person or feeling this way? For ranting like this? For desperately needing to talk about something next to no one in my life would give two shits about enough to listen to? I hate ranting, I do, but I needed to say this someplace where next to no one will read it and give two shits because they have better things to do than listen to me complain and whine and nag and rant about seemingly pointless bullshit.